Look what I've found

aka my column for my epic application...i basically argued a point i didn't agree with, but it was fun nonetheless. it certainly opened my mind.


As life changes to fit the volatile needs of modern society, both men and women alike are given opportunities for a more ideal destiny. Unfortunately, if each one of my male companions is an accurate representation of your average Joe set out to rule the planet, the only future I’ll have after graduation will be in the kitchen, producing what seems to be the recent object of every guy’s affections – a sandwich.


When “make me a sandwich” was first dished my way after a particularly heated argument over the color of Donatello’s headband, I was rather confused. What did the creation of picnic food have to do with TMNT? And why was he asking me, of all people, to cook? I can barely operate a microwave without providing the general public a sneak preview into Judgment Day. After this fiery exchange of words, however, I soon found the phrase repeated over and over to me by many a male. I soon realized that this was, in fact, supposed to be a joke against women around the world.

After processing this information, my curiosity grew – where could such a “joke” have originated? Upon interviewing several fellows, I found that nobody was particularly aware of the roots of this particular phrase. Perplexed, my over-analytic self began to wonder: why would anyone bellow four words with such arrogance without being aware of the logic behind it – or lack thereof?

Boys, ordering a sandwich from someone who clearly isn’t a Quizno’s vendor is exactly as it sounds – stupid. It’s like your little “joke” – it doesn’t make sense. Oh, and about this newfound cause of your little teehee’s and haha’s: to a girl’s ears, is it funny? Nope. How about insulting? Yes.

Junior Calvin Ou’s advice to “take [such quips] light-heartedly” simply isn’t an excuse for treating your other half in such a condescending manner. Women were given suffrage in the early 1900’s, and even before then, they made contributions as symbolic as the American flag to experiences as useful as the exploration of the Wild West. These admirable beings have improved the very quality of our lives; given such information, shouldn’t society be racing to thank them? Instead, we’re running hastily in the opposite direction. Women teach you, influence you, help you….and apparently, are expected to pack your lunches. If that’s not considered unjust, then I don’t know what is. Oh, and gentlemen? If you’d like me to do you say, then…

Make me a sandwich.